Waiting Game

This is what I don’t like. Waiting. I understand the body can take a while to work through things, but I just want my brother back. Yes, I’m impatient. Sometimes he looks around and it’s like he sees you, but then it’s gone. It certainly doesn’t help to have tubes galore feeding in and out of his body. You talk to him and ask and plead for him to squeeze your hand and nada. No response. His eyes flash upward to the ceiling and look surprised to be seeing the vents and other things up there. Then the eyes drift back down and are almost calm, looking towards his feet or something on the wall and then they close. Whoops, they are open again wide and confused, shocked, followed by a grimace of pain. It subsides. These expressions keep shifting and repeating themselves as the clock ticks by. I tell him about all the people who had been there over the past 12 days visiting. I look for the letter his son wrote, but was misplaced as he was shifting rooms. The nurse tells me they are still waiting for test results back on yet another round of C. diff watch. As I remain there for almost 2 hours, the results return and are negative. Whew! No threat for now. But what the heck is in there still elevating his white blood cells? What’s not allowing him to regain body to brain function?

Dialysis continues. He is off sedation and only occasional pain medication. Feeding tube is providing nourishment.

I want that connection between brain and body to happen.

I just know he’s still in there… somewhere.