It was a beautiful sunny day, just like today, that I sat in my mothers hospital room sharing the couch with my father. I watched him say his goodbye to her, knowing it was the final farewell. 50 years of marriage that would end during the early hours of the 6th. When he left the room I felt horrible panic, not knowing if I should stay or go or what I should do. She was no longer able to communicate and I felt lost. I had already told her about my journey down, seeing eagles and hawks. That was my way of connecting to her, through wildlife, plants, and nature in general. But I was left alone with her death coming closer as the clock ticked on. I think I lasted another hour or so before saying my goodbye. The rest of my siblings & her grandchildren came for their visits not long after I left. I’m grateful we all had that opportunity. I cried the whole way home.
As each year passes it gets easier knowing she isn’t there. I don’t relive the final 2 weeks leading up to her death anymore. She would have hated my current dog Moby and probably would have rolled her eyes at us taking on Reggie and Zeek for 18 months. She would have been happy to see all the artwork I’ve generated. When my father was diagnosed with cancer 2 months after her death, she probably would have felt justified for having noticed his health change over the past year+ before the doctors clued in. I suspect she would have been very proud of her grandchildren for where they are today.
Her daffodils continue to come up each year like clockwork. I will always miss her deeply at the beginning of February when she left us.